A Heavyweight Bout: The Recovering Self Versus Addiction

My addiction left me utterly defeated, broken and depleted. It was as if I had stepped into a boxing ring against an opponent who knew all my weaknesses and was in much better shape than I. Addiction is relentless, opportunistic and knows just when to strike to lay us low.  But here’s the good news: with the right preparation and determination, you can win the fight. But to do so you must bolster the recovering self.

The recovering self is the part of you that understands how destructive alcohol and drugs have become in your life. The recovering self is concerned with your physical, emotional and spiritual health. It understands and encourages your growth and potential. The recovering self can connect to others and maintain healthy, lasting relationships. It allows you to become the person you were meant to be. You develop the recovering self by learning everything you can about recovery. Reading recovery literature, opening up to and learning from other people with significant sobriety, therapy and self-help groups all will grow your recovery muscle mass.

When working with addicted clients one major thing I try to get across to them is the importance of developing a plan and actively working for recovery. In other words, recovery isn’t the result of good luck, nor is it something that happens to some but not to others for some unknowable reason. Recovery isn’t some complex equation only a select few can solve. It’s something we make happen through effort. We want to make it happen because we finally and completely accept that our addictions are the cause of major consequences in our lives. Good old elbow grease and thoughtfulness can win the day!

I urge people to discuss how big their addiction has been as a starting point in our discussions. For me, when my addiction to alcohol and cocaine were at their zenith most everything else in my life was squeezed out or actively shoved aside. My job, child, marriage, money, and health all became expendable. I just wanted to get high and drink. All my resources were thus directed. My view was myopic. Get high. Stay high.

As the consequences to my addictions piled up, I went to see a therapist. I was terrified to actually discuss my feelings but I was also in despair and needing help. I had no conception of recovery. I was so deeply steeped in a culture of addictions I couldn’t see any other way. This was my very first step to do something for my recovery.

Week by week I faithfully went to therapy and bit by bit learned how growing up in an alcoholic home and suffering various traumas detonated my self-esteem and predisposed me to alcohol and drug dependence. The information weakened my addiction and positioned the foundational building blocks of my recovering self.

At first however, I made the typical mistake of underestimating the strength of my addiction. My therapist counseled me to go to treatment, self-help groups, and divorce myself from my using friends. I thought these were too radical changes, or as one of my clients put it, “I feel like I have a cold and everyone wants me to treat it like cancer.” In his case and mine, it was the other way around. We just didn’t see it yet. I learned the hard way that you can’t have one foot in recovery and the other in addictions. Our addictions pervade and possess a crushing grip on us. To get well requires daily discipline, full focus and ongoing support.

 Because my recovering self was too small and my addiction was outsized, I relapsed several times. It was like having a boxing match against a very worthy opponent but deciding not to train or plan beforehand. “I’ll just hop into the ring at the appointed time and see what happens.” A recipe for defeat.

When I finally went to treatment I was immersed in a crash course on how to build my recovering self. I started to feel a bit stronger in my recovery. My opponent started to wobble just a tad.  When I left treatment, I fortified my recovering self with every addictions-fighting element I could find: therapy, group therapy, self-help groups daily, recovery-based literature, a sponsor and the Twelve Steps. All these things fortified my recovering self and weakened my addictions. It was time to go big.

In my addictions I was often brutally hungover, nauseous, head pounding, overweight and full of toxins. In recovery, I started to treat my body better. I ate well, slept well and exercised regularly. Feeling better every day fortified my recovering self and encouraged me forward. My self-esteem improved. I understood that recovery was precious and not to be gambled with. Like Kryptonite for Superman, old using friends, places where alcohol and/or drugs are consumed and/or putting yourself unnecessarily into highly stressful situations can weaken recovery and even cause relapse.

There is no question that addictions are a formidable opponent. But with acceptance, willingness, daily discipline and commitment, they can be defeated.  Are you ready to dig in and provide yourself with a better life? If so, don’t delay. Reach out to someone who knows about recovery, hit a meeting, any meeting aimed at addictions, look into treatment or contact a therapist. The fight won’t be easy, but every step forward is a victory and if you commit, I can see you in that ring with your arm raised high! A much better life awaits you.