For people in recovery from trauma, emotions are complex, powerful and often arrive unbidden. Sometimes, they come without any identifiable trigger or context. Sadness, for example. It descends like fog as I open my eyes, and I try to use logic to dispel it: You were happy yesterday, and nothing changed since then, so what gives? But there it is and the logic doesn’t often work. Where is the sadness coming from? I suspect childhood trauma. My father’s anger was explosive—lacerating words, kicks and sometimes punches—detonating my self-esteem. Despite the origin of my sadness, what matters is how I deal with it.

He died from alcoholism when I was twenty-three and we had no opportunity to resolve all of the damage resulting from his abusiveness. Even if he had lived, I don’t think he would have been inclined to confront his issues. Consequently, I felt acutely broken, lacked self-esteem and was full of shame. I battled trauma-related depression for years. Given that I was also recovering from addictions, I had to learn to deal with it without self-medicating. Decades later, I’ve developed effective coping skills.

In early recovery the sadness, self-loathing and anger were much more prevalent and powerful than they are now. I did a lot of work in therapy to come to grips with my trauma and how it impacted me and the people around me. Through therapy I developed the skills needed to understand the effects trauma had on me and how to deal with my emotions without self-medicating. Most importantly I came to love myself and believe in my abilities. I can’t say I’ve come to fully forgive my father but I think I better understand him now. Someday I hope to forgive him without condition. I’ll keep trying.

Coping Skills for Sadness

Here are some coping skills I utilize to help deal with sadness: I remind myself that sadness is temporary and I can manage it. Music is a huge comfort. It may seem counterintuitive but when I’m sad I listen to sad songs, not to wallow but because hearing and singing along to the music helps me feel I’m not alone, and I’m comforted.

When sad, solitude often helps. I can avoid the rougher edges of others and thereby spend time consoling myself.

Exercise is one of the more effective antidotes to sadness. I find cardio is one of the quickest avenues to a better mood. A run, high intensity interval training (HIIT) or several rounds on the heavy bag creates a calming, relaxed sensation that usually replaces my sadness.

Reading takes me out of my world, away from my feelings and my problems and is hugely comforting. It’s a form of meditation as my focus on the words and the images they create in my mind help me forget myself as long as I concentrate.

I also greatly value the counsel of my wife. Talking about what I’m feeling lessens the impact of it. A kind word or gentle touch can make a world of difference. In fact, this works the other way as well. Helping someone else struggling always helps me feel better.

Being in recovery from trauma and addictions, I have learned to persevere no matter what. I understand that to gain comfort I must navigate discomfort. I know that recovery is unconditional and there can be no surrender. Eventually feelings pass and I gain resilience, no matter what the day brings.

Trauma Tools & Resources

PTSD Screening Form
Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Questionnaire
Information about Trauma-informed Care